Inspiration

Today, I'd like to talk about inspiration. Additionally, I would like to talk about mental health, and specifically depression and aging.

Sometimes I find myself trying to ensure that everything I write in the blog posts in some way relate to RV'ing and the new journey Tonya and I are about to embark on. Isn't it funny how our minds try to pigeon-hole us into very narrowly minded approaches to life, love, and creative thought!

One of the things I've noticed over the past few days is that there has been much more discussion about mental health and depression in particular. With the passing of Robin Williams (which truly caused me to feel saddened), many people are talking about mental health and depressive illness. This event caused me to feel shock, and a personal loss. Even though I did not know the man, and have not seen all of his movies, what struck me was the all too real truth - that everyone with depression suffers a great deal of pain. The fact that you may be wealthy, and successful does not insolate you from feeling the deep despair that depressive disorder or Bipolar disorder loads you down with.

Likewise, there has been much information posted on the social networks about the signs and warnings for those who may be at risk of suicide. In reading some of these, I have come to realize that there are many of these "red flags" that could easily pertain to me in very recent times. (Please do NOT worry I am NOT feeling suicidal at all - in fact I am very much looking forward to Tonya and I moving into this new phase of our lives). But, to say that I have not been suffering (for lack of a better word), would be a lie. However, due to my own education and knowledge I am very aware that it is not "abnormal" for me to be experiencing this at this particular time in my life. Whenever we experience major life events, it shakes up what has been the norm for a period of time. I've experienced 4 major life events in the past 8 months! I had the stent placed in my heart in December, I decided to leave a job that I loved due to the amount of stress involved, my wife decided to leave her job of 19 years, and we've decided to give up materialistic clutter in our lives and downsize to a much smaller existence, and we are about to embark on an adventure with very little in the way of certainty. So, I have had some symptoms of depression over the past couple of months. What makes it different for me than it is for many others is that I have a very clear understanding that this is temporary! We are in a "holding pattern," awaiting the processes that need to happen - to actually happen. Then the action (which I feel helps break the grip of depression) can begin as we hit the road to start our new life.

On a more positive note however, my wife has recently made statements regarding how she has seen me laugh at silly little things - something she says she's never really witnessed before. She has noticed that things that may have stressed me out in the past and possibly caused me to react in anger don't seem to faze me. So, perhaps my "depression" is a normative response to having many major life changes, having too much time on my hands, feelings of being somewhat overwhelmed by what we need to get rid of to downsize, and removing all the crutches of security from our lives in terms of employment.

Those who know me well are aware that I've had the diagnosis of dysthymia, Generalized anxiety disorder, ADHD, and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder for years and years. I have come to understand what each of these issues means for me and how it affects my life and the things I need to do to cope effectively with them. With the death of Robin Williams, a realization came to me that I am truly not alone! I have always known that on an intellectual level - but this seemed to put it into perspective for me. To see Robin Williams work so hard to make others laugh - to see his more serious work such as in the movie "Awakenings," and to be in awe of his success - only to realize that none of that mattered to the dark cloud of depression, while it pains me to see the loss of such a valued life, it made me feel less alone in the battle. It's too late for me to thank him for that gift - but it's not too late for me to say to others… You are NOT alone!

It has also caused me to re-examine my life, my daily thoughts, and what some of the underlying causes of depression and why some experience suicidal thoughts. What I am left with is: Life is hard! Regardless of who you are, and what success you've had - however you measure that - life is hard. Personally, at age 51 I've seen many, many changes in our world that we live in. When I look at the world I see police officers who violate the very Constitution they swore an Oath to uphold. I see countries who slaughter their own people due to religious differences, I see our own Federal Government that does not seem to represent the people any longer - and I could go on and on. The world is a scary place! I seldom admit that I experience fear - but I do.

I believe that as we get older, our outlook on the world and life becomes more fear based. We feel hopeless and helpless to effect change. Our elected officials do not listen to us. The different groups are overly involved in things that truly are none of their business. Everyone is expected to spy and report on everyone else. Privacy is a thing of the past. We have developed these wonderful tools for people to become informed such as the internet, but that is being spied on by various federal agencies. It all just makes you feel sick, attacked, violated, and weak. I will not lie to you I do not feel as confident as I did when I was a young man. That is about to change!

Now for the much awaited "Inspiration" part of this post! The other thing that happened several days ago which did not make headline news… was that my son's girlfriend posted on social media that she is very close to publishing her first book on Amazon as an e-book. I find inspiration in that as I was quite impressed that she, at the young age of 18, has followed her dream of becoming a published author! I LOVE to write! (as you can probably tell by the length of my posts - LOL). So, it begs the question - why haven't I published something on Amazon? After all I've been working on a book for decades. After putting much thought into this question, what I've come to realize is this, I no longer have the optimism of youth! When I was 18 or 20 if I had completed the book and had a way to publish such as Amazon, I may have very well done it too.

I think as we get older it becomes more difficult to remain optimistic about the world. We become cynical, we've experienced repression by the powers that be. It wears on you. It can break your spirit of confidence, it stifles your dreams. Perhaps this is why the world has lost a treasure in Robin Williams. This has brought me to the point where I WILL recapture that optimism of youthfulness as we progress through this world on our upcoming journey. I love and appreciate each and every one of you who have asked for us to share this journey with you as we progress! Until next time…With Love… Soaring Eagle

For anyone who is having difficulty managing their depression or other mental health issues - and especially if you are having thoughts of harming yourself or others… PLEASE reach out and ask for help - The Statewide Crisis Number is: 1-888-568-1112.